Roy, Sheena, D, K, A, C and L

Roy, Sheena, D, K, A, C and L

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

So so very tired, and my new most embarrassing story...

Last night marked night 3 or night 4 (I lose track...) of what I liked to call the possessed lock saga.  Only last night finally ended it.  Let me explain.
We installed a new lock on our front door a few months back.  The batteries were indicating low at the same time a loud high pitched voice started telling us to "replace batteries".  It seemed natural to assume the voice was coming from the new lock.  The sound was coming from that side of the house and the batteries were indicating low.
After changing the batteries in the lock all the indicators of low batteries stopped -- except the possessed voice.  Of course the voice only happened at night when I was trying to sleep on the couch or - on a really good night - in my bed.  Both Roy and I still assumed it was coming from the lock.  Like I said, it was coming from that direction.
Last night brought everything to a head.  After listening to the disembodied voice start up again at 11 p.m. (serious! only! at! night!) I dismantled the lock into three pieces - the battery pack, the inside the house part and left the outside the house part on the door.  STILL TALKING!  At this point I wrote a long blog post about the insanity of it all and turned that post into an email to the company, which I naturally sent.
About 20 minutes later I was downstairs near the door when the voice spoke again, "Replace Batteries".  Guess what?  Not coming from the lock.  Genius.  It was actually coming from a smoke detector on the ceiling.  WHY ARE THESE THINGS NEVER CLEAR?!  And why didn't I figure this out BEFORE I emailed the company?
So I did the only thing I could do.  Wrote another email to the company apologizing for my mistake and professing my clear embarrassment, deleted the blog post, reassembled the lock and went to bed because no one wants a 36 week preggo lady climbing a ladder at 1 a.m. to change batteries on a vaulted ceiling.  Seriously.  I can't even put my pants on without losing my balance so top of a ladder? Not a good place for me right now.
I shut our bedroom door, blocked out the sound as well as I could and fell deeply asleep.. . . until, Roy flung himself out of bed at 4 a.m.   Apparently, he'd had all he could take of the possessed lock that wasn't actually possessed but he was asleep so missed my epiphany.  I figured I'd tell him in the morning so he could change the battery.  Just figured it would be later morning that 4.
He was downstairs before I could process what was happening.  I realized the alarm had graduated from random intervals to regular and constant chirping - like a fire alarm does when it is low on batteries.  He clearly still thinks it is the lock but I calmly and possibly with a slight slur in my speech explain it is not the lock but the smoke detector.  The light dawns for him too and he proceeds to change the batteries at 4 in the morning.  Miracle of miracles, the beeping and phantom voice stop!  Sweet blessed silence!
Still, it took a bit to fall asleep again.  I was pretty sure I was going to injure D when his alarm went off and he came in my room this morning at 7.  Instead I rolled myself out of bed and made breakfast.
In other news, I sure hope I brightened someone's day at Kwikset.  If I was them I'd be laughing for a week after reading my late night missives.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

Oh you poor girl.

Hilarious story, though.

Thanks for sharing. You made me smile too.